Sarcastic Skepticism
by TheTragicFlaw
Summary: Bella aquires a brain. I really don't care if you wish to bash me, as long as you keep in mind that you won't change my opinion on the book/movie whatsoever. Very sarcastic, and mild language


**Another waste of time for you, wrapped up in a virtual bow from me!! This was just an idea I got after watching how mind-numbingly stupid Bella was in Twilight. Did anyone else notice that Bella's repertoire of facial expressions is quite lacking in variety? **

**In my story, Bella has a brain, an unheard of concept up until now.**

_**I don't own Twilight.**_

The first time I saw him, I knew that I was not going to like him. He bore down on me with a seriously intense stare; a stare that said, "I would kill you if I could, you worthless, insignificant girl."

I, Bella Swan, hate misogynist men. Sure, Edward is ethereally hot, no questions asked, but that doesn't excuse his attitude towards me, especially on my first day of school at Forks High. What kind of inconsiderate, impolite _bastard_ would treat a completely innocent, unaffiliated girl with such hatred?

After my first lunch escapade with the ever-so-witty-Jessica-and-her-group-of plastic-friends-other-than-Angela, came Biology, a subject that I usually enjoy immensely. I was actually looking forward to the class until I walked in to find the only open seat next to "Mr. Statuesque," or so I had dubbed him.

Wanting to get the upper hand right away with Edward, I promptly walked over to the open seat, unceremoniously dumped my bag on the table, sat my ass down and looked over at him.

"Is there something in your eye?" I asked, my voice dripping like poisonous honey, "Because I have some Visine in my backpack… or if it's just PMS, I have some Pamprin as well."

_"Need some ice for that burn, shithead?" I thought to myself proudly._

Edward looked back at me, his beautiful pallid face quickly changing from anger, to shock, then back to his squinty-eyed antics. I was surprised that Edward didn't respond, but I quickly regained myself. We spent the rest of the period completely ignoring each other, much to my pleasure, and to his also I'm sure.

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After that first day, Edward performed a magical disappearing act and was gone for about the next two weeks. This gave me time to gather my thoughts and reinforce my opinion of Edward with cold hard facts. I asked around the town about the Cullens: Where did they live? Who do they hang out with? What do Edward's parents do for a living? Every question was met with a brief, to-the-point answer. Everyone seemed reluctant to talk about the remote Cullen family. However, I did receive a pretty good idea of Edward's true colors:

He's incredibly, almost _too_ good looking

He's rude

He's impolite

He's rich and kind of snobby

He lives like a hermit almost, his only friends being his family

He's really smart, but doesn't apply himself to his full potential in school

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Edward had reappeared. He is sitting only two feet away, trying to talk to me, but I am zoning out, focusing on the amber orbs of his eyes. Not only are they absolutely breathtaking, but I could have sworn they were black as a raven's wing the last time I saw him two weeks ago.

"I'm sorry, what was that you just said?" I asked, surprised to find the query void of any mocking sarcasm.

Edward replied, "I didn't introduce myself properly last time we met," he said calmly, an infuriating cocky smile on his face, "I'm Edward Cullen. You're Bella Swan, right?"

I stared back, not believing what I was hearing. I had spent two whole weeks working up a logical, calm response to the pious boy, but, now, I was fuming.

_"He thinks he can hate me for no reason, ignore me for two weeks and then show up all confident in his ability to woo me?" thought Bella. "I don't think so…"_

I raised my hand, signaling Mr. Banner's attention.

"Yes Bella," Mr. Banner said.

I got right to the point.

"Mr. Banner, can I go to the sick room? I'm not feeling well."

I coughed a few times into my elbow and my nose, adding to the charade. I apparently put on a good enough of a show too, for Mr. Banner released me with a "hope you feel better." I glanced over at Edward, enjoying the site of not only his perfect bone structure contorted into a mask of anger, but also one of confusion.

"Adieu," I bid Edward quietly, a deriding smile on my face. I picked my things from the table and left, glad that my plot to get away from "Mr. Statuesque" had worked perfectly.

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Later that day, between classes as I was heading to the bathroom, I heard a faint, repetitive noise coming from inside a broom closet near my destination. I walked over quietly, putting my ear to the door. I could hear a deep voice inside, repeating the word "angst" over and over.

I stepped back and contemplated what I could do to the anonymous boy inside the broom closet. It was obvious I had to mess with him, make him feel stupid for getting caught doing who knows what. After going over many ideas, some of which included cheerleaders and possums, I decided to play it safe. I would open the door, take a peek inside to see who it is and then run like a bat out of hell so as to not get caught, laughing my ass off the whole while.

Gently putting my hand on the doorknob, I surreptitiously moved the doorknob. I lightly pulled the door open to find none other than… Edward! (Author's Note: surprise surprise) He stood facing the wall, beating his head up against the concrete repeating the word "angst" over and over.

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love that ending. It's so **_**not**_** final, but at the same time is, seeing as how it sums the whole story up as well. I will most likely not be posting a sequel, because I lack motivation and ideas. Happy birthday to me.**


End file.
